An evening at the “American Idol” concession stands

By Bob Rybarczyk
STLTODAY.COM COLUMNIST
08/15/2006

So the other night I went to the “American Idol” concert.

Now, before I go any further, I would like to point out that I think football is awesome, I wouldn’t be caught dead watching “The View,” and I barely notice the clothes when I’m flipping through a Victoria’s Secret catalog. OK? OK.

While I do actually enjoy the television show (but don’t forget the thing about football), I really wasn’t all that excited about being at an “Idol” concert. Colette had bought the tickets for my 9-year-old daughter, Gustavo (not her real name), and my 9-year-old stepdaughter, Melon Ball (not her real name). They were all a-twitter the entire car ride down to the Savvis Center. They couldn’t wait to see Mandisa and Chris and Ace. I mostly spent the drive hoping the show would be over by 9:30 p.m.

The girls wanted to buy some snacks once we got there, but the concession lines were miles long. I suggested that we find our seats, then once the show started and all the lines cleared out, I’d go in search of chow.

“But Daddy,” Gustavo said, “you’ll miss part of the show.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

She seemed perplexed by my response and spoke no further of it.

We found our seats just as the show got underway. Mandisa led things off by wailing the song “I’m Every Woman.” It reminded me of “Oprah.” Time to go.

I was startled to find that the concession stands were literally abandoned. The first one I approached, which had been swarming with people ten rows deep the last time I saw it, had no other customers at it. It was like walking into Six Flags and realizing that there’s nobody else in the park…except instead of getting to ride roller coasters non-stop until I spewed, I only got to order giant soft pretzels. Not really the same. But hey, with the food at Savvis, at least I still had an outside chance at spewing.

I only wish I had some International Foods flavored coffee

I waited a few seconds before placing my order. I wanted to savor the moment. It might have been the first time in my life, ever, that I was the only person at a Savvis Center concession stand. I didn’t get it. “I’m Every Woman” was still blaring from inside the stadium. I’d have thought people would be prison-shanking each other for a spot in the concession lines.

I decided I’d done enough savoring and approached the counter, asking for two giant soft pretzels.

“We’re out,” the smiling concession lady said, pointing to an empty set of wire racks that was normally laden with the oversized snack foods.

I’d have to make a return trip. Woo hoo. “I’ll just take a soda then,” I said.

“You know you’re missing the show,” she said.

“Yeah,” I said.

She understood. “You sure you don’t want a beer?” she asked.

“No amount of beer will help,” I said, taking my soda. “But thanks.”

The one downside to the short lines was that I got back inside while Mandisa was still singing that it’s all in her. Whatever that means.

Hand me a plunger, buddy, I’m going in

I sat through a couple more singers. Ace Young stood on the stage and shoved his chest in and out along with the opening beats of “Father Figure.” Seriously, there’s something wrong with that guy.

Lisa Tucker took the stage and started playing Elton John’s “Your Song.” I cracked. Pretzels, I thought. There’s got to be pretzels out there.

There were. But again, there were no lines at all, and I was back in almost no time. I wondered if maybe next time I should volunteer to clean a bathroom or something.

I watched some more of the show. There was more singing, followed by a really awesome intermission, during which there was no singing. Everyone else in the stadium chose to hit the concessions during intermission, which to me was a bit confusing, but hey, whatever.

The show started back up and Chris Daughtry came out to sing. He was actually pretty good, so I hung out for that part. Then Elliott Yamin appeared, and I was asking the girls if they wanted Dippin’ Dots. They did. So ruled.

By the end of the night, despite my many trips to the concessions, I still managed to see most of the show. And, I’ll admit, I actually enjoyed some of it.

But not that much. I swear.

Is the Rams game on yet?

He is a very good writer.....I can hear my husband saying the same things since he claims to never watch American Idol but somehow seems to quietly slip into the room when he hears all of us screaming about how good someone is singing! Any time a guy admits to watching the show, like his brother, he tells him he has lost "man" points.......ROFLMAO

Thanks for sharing, Karen!